Day 10.

I’m not doing TBT.  I am not really into my body being transformed.  Would I turn down free plastic surgery?  Probably not, because seriously what is with the arm flab.  I want to change me.  

I’m not the best person in the world.  I can give you references if you need them.

However, I’m not the worst either.  I may not have references for this…

I was raised by a very angry person and a total snob.  There was a magnet on the fridge that said, “you say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.”  That should sum up why I am as reactive as I am, it is what I saw, what I thought was normal.  It is not normal. I repeat, it is not normal.

So, after 31 angry years I decided to get the pain in my stomach checked.  I thought I had cancer and so did the doctors.  Turns out I just have a giant cyst in my ovary, and two small ones.  Picture a Mickey Mouse head inside the cow head.  I spent weeks feeling like I was having contractions and months with my period being continuous.  This went on from the month after my mother died until two months ago.  It will be three years on Sunday if you need a reference.  I was in agony for just under three years.  No one believed me.  I spent a lot of out of pocket money with no insurance unable to convince a doctor I was looking for Tylenol #3 (though it is my favorite).  I finally lied, got an ultrasound which said I had a mass, which lead to the MRI which said it was endometriosis….what I had before Tristan.  

OK, so health, is OK and I am not in pain right now because I started some treatment.  Organs are good.

My mind on the other hand, total mess.  However, I figured out how to manage that.  PJ had hurt me pretty repeatedly by doing the same stupid thing.  So, I did it back.  Only, I only said I did.  So I made him feel totally ruined and said, “well, that’s what I would have done if I was you.  Instead the kids and I painted clothespins.”  BOOM.  Apparently tasting of the medicine can be served in the form of a placebo.

I also needed to get out of my house funk.  We have been building a deck, which has been OK but has a few hiccups that are bugging me.  It has lead me to be disregarding the house though.  My house has been such a mess waiting to have some electric work done that I haven’t been cleaning.  At.all.  So, I am tackling one task a week that I need to find a routine for and moving towards a goal.  The first task is laundry/dishes.  The everyday nightmare.  Laundry today or naked tomorrow…

I realized how bad it was when Tristan called the laundry clothes mountain because he could climb the clean clothes.  I was good at washing and drying but not folding and putting away.  When I get home from work I throw all the clothes in the wash and before bed I dry it (I know, I should be hanging it, terrible person) and every morning I fold it out of the dryer and put it away before I leave for work.  I stand at the dryer and fold and sort.  

The dishes are next I run the dishwasher (martha stewart says it is better to run it than to handwash) after dinner and I unload every morning as I make breakfast and load the breakfast dishes right away.

Organs, check.  Mind, Check.  House, Check.

Body…oof.  I was sitting around the break table eating my gushers (freeze them, omg) when I realized the last time I drank water was when I was camping.  I looked at the calendar it had been three and a half weeks.  Not a sip of water, just ice tea and soda.  I was astonished.  Solution to follow next challenge…

Work is fantastic.  I love my office, I love my routine.  I work a lot faster that I used to but I don’t take x-rays or sit in for doctor exam.  I do a cleaning, I schedule their six month appt and I move on.  Patients get my best, and they are the only people I really like to interact with.  I also just love what I do and I get to do it a little more now.  Only problem is I gained a lot of weight because I’m not allowed to exercise, walking only until I stop hemorrhaging. I have been squeezing into one pair of scrubs for six months and washing them every night.  I give in.

I left work last Monday and went right to the store.  I bought two uniforms in the next size up and a 32 ounce insulated cup.  The first step to fixing my body is to hydrate it.  The next step is to love it.  

I divided my weight in half and I have to drink 92.5 ounces a day.  I drink one cup from wake-up until lunch, the next fill from lunch to dinner and the last from dinner to bed.  

I feel amazing and all I did was start drinking water…

Today is Day 10.  I have have maybe missed out on a half a cup of water a day, my scrubs are comfortable,  PJ is great, the laundry is not an issue and I always have enough forks.  

The most important is that I’m feeling better which is making me act better.  

Tasks to work in over the next ten days:

• Stretching, my back and shoulders really need it for work.
• Reading more, I need to get back into book club.
• Skating, doctors said I can skate until I have pain but no more than twice a week.  The problem is I have no desire, but that is a blog for another day.
• Cook more.  I’ve started this this week, but need to increase.  We have been eating out A LOT

 

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